That simple text—"What are you doing?"—arrives on your screen, and suddenly you're faced with a crucial communication moment. How you respond can either create a spark or extinguish interest. This common question represents an opportunity to demonstrate humor, confidence, and emotional intelligence. Below, we explore 10 response strategies that turn a simple check-in into a connection-building conversation.
In This Guide
Understanding the Subtext Behind "What Are You Doing?"
Before crafting your response, it's essential to understand what she's really asking. Rarely is this question literally about your current activity. More often, it's an opening gesture—a way to initiate conversation, check your availability, or gauge interest. Research in communication studies shows that these seemingly simple opening lines often serve as "connection bids" that test receptivity and social intelligence.
The most effective responses accomplish several things simultaneously: they answer the question, demonstrate attractive qualities, and move the conversation forward. They balance authenticity with charm, showing that you're both genuine and engaging.
10 High EQ Responses to "What Are You Doing?"
1. The Playfully Direct Approach
"Just thinking about how to properly answer that question without sounding like I was waiting for your text... which I might have been."
Why it works: This response acknowledges the truth (you're pleased she texted) with self-aware humor that doesn't come across as needy. It's confident yet playful.
2. The Creative Imagining Response
"Trying to decide what adventure we should have this weekend. Any preferences between hiking and trying that new restaurant?"
Why it works: This assumes familiarity and plants the seed for future plans without pressure. It's forward-moving while giving her options.
3. The Humorous Reality Check
"Attempting to adult successfully. Currently at a 4/10 success rate. How's your day going?"
Why it works: Self-deprecating humor about universal struggles creates relatability. The question flip keeps the conversation balanced.
4. The Intrigue Builder
"Planning something fun actually. Guess you'll have to keep texting me to find out what it is."
Why it works: Creates mystery and gives her a reason to continue the conversation while positioning you as someone with an interesting life.
"Just finished [activity] and was wondering how your day was going. Perfect timing!"
Why it works: Shows you were thinking about her independently while naturally transitioning to asking about her day.
6. The Lighthearted Flip
"I was just about to ask you the same thing! Are we becoming psychic or just really in sync?"
Why it works: Highlights your connection playfully while avoiding direct pressure. It's flirtatious without being overly forward.
7. The Value-Adding Response
"Discovering this amazing new [podcast/recipe/hobby] you'd probably love. Reminds me of that time you mentioned..."
Why it works: Demonstrates that you listen and remember her interests while sharing something potentially valuable.
8. The Confidently Casual
"Enjoying some downtime actually. Your text just made it better though. What's up?"
Why it works: Acknowledges her positive impact on your day without overdoing it. The casual tone prevents neediness.
9. The Playfully Suspenseful
"If I tell you, I might have to invite you to join. Still want to know?"
Why it works: Creates playful tension and offers an implied invitation that she can either pursue or gracefully bypass.
10. The Genuine but Engaging
"Just wrapping up [actual activity]. Timing is perfect though—I've been meaning to ask your opinion on something."
Why it works: Answers honestly while creating natural forward momentum in the conversation.
Principles of Effective Text Communication
Beyond specific responses, certain principles elevate your text communication overall:
Match her investment: Notice how much effort she puts into her messages and mirror it rather than dramatically over-investing.
Balance questions and statements: Conversations that are all questions feel like interviews, while all statements don't invite participation.
Know when to transition: If a text conversation stretches beyond 10-15 exchanges, suggest moving to a call or meeting.
Read the room: If she's giving short responses or taking hours to reply, match her energy rather than doubling down.
What to Avoid When Responding
Certain response patterns typically diminish attraction:
- Immediate over-sharing: "Just lying here thinking about you constantly"
- Boring literalism: "Eating a sandwich" (with no follow-up)
- Game-playing: "Who wants to know?" (too confrontational)
- Complaining: "Ugh, work is terrible" (negative energy)
- Overwhelming enthusiasm: "OMG I'm so glad you texted!!!!!" (too much too soon)
The most attractive responses strike a balance between interest and independence.
Adapting to Different Relationship Stages
Your response should vary based on where you are in your relationship:
Early dating: Keep it light and fun with minimal pressure
Establishing connection: More personal but still playful
Committed relationship: Can be more directly affectionate
Long-distance: More descriptive to create shared experience
The same response might land differently depending on your history and current dynamic.
The Art of the Conversation Transition
The best responses naturally lead to further conversation. After your initial answer, include either:
1. A related question about her day/experience
2. An invitation to continue the conversation differently (call, video, meetup)
3. A shared memory or inside joke that deepens your connection
4. A humorous observation that keeps the tone light
This forward momentum prevents the conversation from stalling after your clever response.
Developing Your Personal Style
While these templates provide solid starting points, the most effective communication comes from adapting them to your authentic personality. The goal isn't to memorize lines but to internalize the principles behind why they work—then express them in your unique voice.
Pay attention to which responses resonate most with your conversation partner and build on those patterns. Over time, you'll develop an intuitive sense for what works in different situations with different people.
Remember that the foundation of all great communication is genuine interest and respect. No clever response can compensate for lack of authentic connection. Use these techniques to enhance your natural interactions, not replace them.
What's your go-to response when she asks what you're doing? Share your experiences and successful approaches in the comments!